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17 Mar
ENG45  0






We all experience anxiety and shame in our lives but how to overcome these feelings is the points mentioned here in the following article.   

Be honest, open, and upfront about unwarranted sources of shame.

Let's run through an example of this principle.  I'm an extreme night owl.  I love the quiet and stillness of the night but I used to feel somewhat embarrassed about the fact I get up late.  I'd be tempted to make excuses about why I wasn't available in the morning.  Now, I'm honest and upfront with friends and colleagues about the hours I keep.  If I absolutely need to get up early for something important of course I do, but I let people know I stay up late and get up late.


Decide what you're not going to allow to get to you.

Research indicates that around 50% of our relationships can be classified as ambivalent or mixed emotion relationships, meaning those relationships are a source of both positive and negative emotions for us.  Our partners and family members often know our emotional buttons and how to push them.  Think about what your family tease you over that really gets to you, or what your partner brings up when they're hurt and want to hurt you back.  For example,  if your family make critical comments about your appearance choices or your partner brings up a mistake you made years ago. 


Give up on a goal.

If you like learning new things and challenging yourself, you probably have a laundry list of goals you'd like to achieve, such as running a marathon, learning another language, or getting six pack abs.  It can be demoralizing to have these goals float around in the background of your mind, but you never put sustained effort into achieving them.  Likewise, you might start pursuing your goal periodically but your effort fades after a few days.


Decide what you're not responsible for.

People who have anxiety are typically also prone to excess responsibility taking.  This can manifest as feeling responsible for helping other people avoid making bad decisions.   If you fall into this trap, actively identify what you're not responsible for, such as you're not responsible for the financial choices your parents make, fixing your partner's depression, or changing your schedule to accommodate a friend who frequently needs to change plans last minute.


Actively forgive yourself for past mistakes.

What past mistakes do you ruminate about?  What decisions do you regret?  Think about the types of painful memories and regrets that tend to be triggered when you're pushing yourself to get outside of your comfort zone.

Sometime that you're alone, simply say out loud to yourself "I forgive myself for....."   Use whatever compassionate self-talk feels like a good balance between kindness and appropriate responsibility taking.  For example,  "I forgive myself for spending money on..... It wasn't a smart decision.  Everyone makes a mixture of good and bad decisions and this wasn't an ideal choice.  I'm going to forgive myself and move on so I don't feel paralyzed in making future decisions."   You can also write out these statements of self-forgiveness and post them on your bedroom wall or in any private space.

  آموزش آنلاین




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