During our everyday lives, we cope with people who lie and don’t tell the truths. We all hate liars and don’t like to hear something other than the truth but most of us tell a lie sometimes either deliberately or deliberate.
But why people lie? Here are some reasons why.
The lie does matter ... to them.
The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is that they actually do think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it’s an inconsequential issue, the liar believes it is critically important. They may be putting undeserved emphasis or pressure on themselves, or on the issue, but you won’t know unless you ask something like, “It seems like this issue is really important to you — why?”
Telling the truth feels like giving up control.
Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.
They don’t want to disappoint you.
It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. And they’re worried that the truth might lead you to reject or shame them.
I remember a cartoon my kids watched years ago about how lies grow. We tell a little bitty lie, but then to cover that lie, we have to tell another one, then another, and another — each gets bigger and bigger. Finally, we’re arguing about the color of the sky, because to admit anything creates the potential of the entire house of cards tumbling. If a chronic liar admits to any single lie, they feel like they’re admitting to being a liar, and then you’ll have reason to distrust them.
It's not a lie to them
When liars are talking they don’t think that they are lying. They just think that they are getting off a difficult situation. Therefore, they don’t feel guilty about it.
They want it to be true.
Finally, the liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct, to tell the truth. “Be the change you want to see in the world,” Gandhi never actually said. But sometimes, liars hope that they can make something come true by saying it over and over, and by believing it as hard as they can. In today’s environment of “alternative facts,” it’s hard not to see this as somewhat justified.